Archives: Day-to-day

All this rushing around doesn’t seem to suit me. No sooner had I blogged about all the necessaries for holiday and uni prep than I started feeling a little pesky with a bit of a sore throat. Monday night I woke at 4am with a roaring fever and raging headache splitting my very delicate and uni-bound cranium in two.

After fighting for more sleep, I eventually hauled my butt out of bed at 8am to spend an hour tossing my cookies in the bathroom. When I managed to stop hurling for five minutes I dragged myself to the phone to call the ‘rents and tell them I suspected ‘flu.

Funnily enough, at the time I was more concerned with not passing it on to K as having it 8 days before we’re dye at the airport for Hawaii is bad enough but if it were to gestate a little longer and hit her 5 days before we flew, our holiday could be in very real danger.

Mum and Dad thus rode to my rescue and I’ve been holed up in quarantine at Chez Parental for the last 3 days, with regular GP visits and Harefield consultations. Tuesday was the most concerning day as I kept being sick, a very bad thing when my new lungs are dependent on oral immunosuppressants to keep working properly.

One very sore injection in my left butt cheek later (still hurts, by the way) and the vomiting, though not the nausea, stopped and from there on in I’ve been improving all week.

Now all but mended, I’ll be heading home tomorrow to finish off my uni and holiday packing which I’ve so far abandoned K to. My lung function is looking good, so despite the slight cough I’ve got I’m confident there’s nothing serious going on.

It’s been a pretty rubbish week, bur with so much coming up in the next few weeks I’m kind of glad it happened now and hasn’t – touch wood – spoiled either the holiday or my first weeks at uni.

Lots to do and little time, but still enough to reflect on the marvel that it post-transplant recovery. Had I fallen I’ll a week before flying abroad pre-transplant there’s no way I’d have been fit to leave the country. Thank heavens for the gift of life – a phrase that gains more meaning and resonance each and every day.

After the whirlwind Thursday last week where everything fell into place for my next 3 years of life in a matter of hours, the repercussions hit hard over the weekend.

First off, I wanted to make sure I’d spoken to all the people that matter before plastering the news all over my Facebook and Twitter pages, so I spent a couple of days chasing down all the people who would be directly affected by the decision, including TJ, my wonderful boss at the Grove who helped me enormously by giving me my first job post-transplant with the Youth Theatre there. I also spoke to PC, the YT leader at the Grove, and to a couple of my friends, including a very close friend whose wedding I will now miss as it falls in the middle of my first week at LIPA.

I think what shocked me the most was that not one person sounded let down, disappointed or upset by it at all. The response was uniformly and heart-warmingly brilliant – everyone was so excited that I’ve finally got this chance. As soon as I’d announced it on Facebook I was inundated with messages of support and congratulations and people wishing me well.

Right now I’m more excited than a child on the first Christmas Eve they fully understand the implications of the following day – I’m absolutely loopy about it all. I do, however, have an awful lot to do.

In our wisdom, K and I decided at the start of summer that we needed a really special holiday away to celebrate our new freedom, so we booked ourselves 2 weeks in Hawaii – a truly dream holiday to spend time together, chilling out and relaxing.

Neither of us can wait, but we leave on the 1st September and return on the afternoon of the 13th. I then have to be at LIPA for 9am on the 14th, which is to say the least a bit of a rush. My first day is now no doubt going to pass in a haze of jet-lag and exhaustion, I just hope I can manage to hold some form of conversation with the people I meet.

What it also means is that I have to have everything sorted for uni by the time we leave for Hawaii giving me precisely 12 days from the day I was accepted to square everything from accommodation to finance away. That’s now just 8 days. When we went on holiday to the Caribbean when I was younger, we used to be told numerous times how they consider that “rushing is what mats are made from”. This week I’ve discovered and will no doubt have drummed into me that the same rule does not apply to the UK – and especially not to country-fleeing uni students.

The truth (and the new-look, uni-fied blog) is out and I’m ecstatic, truly, truly over-excited and jumping around like a small child after a Sunny D and Haribo smoothie – I’m going to uni. But not just any uni (why do I want to write “A Marks and Spencer’s Uni” there…?) but the Liverpool Institute of Performing Arts, LIPA, the academy of arts founded and patron’d by Sir Paul McCartney.

When I was a mere wisp of a lad at 16 I spent 2 of the best weeks of my life up in Liverpool at a LIPA summer school and have wanted to study there ever since. When I left school at 18 with doctors heavily advising me that it would be severely detrimental to my health to attend any university, I pretty much gave up hope of ever studying at all, let alone at my dream uni.

However, the idea of going to uni has been playing around in my head most of the summer as I’ve been battling my daemons and fighting to work out what to do with the rest of my now very open life. I had completed and submitted a UCAS Clearing application and sat waiting for A-Level results day to see what I may be able to find.

First thing in the morning, I jumped on and was surprised to find a course advertised at LIPA as they don’t usual support the UCAS system. So I gave them a call and spoke to a nice man who had no idea what I was on about. After a short while of to-ing and fro-ing he seemed to recall a late decision to include the course in clearing and suggested I send a CV over.

Having prepared my UCAS application and not much else, I hurriedly cobbled together an appropriate-looking CV for the purpose and emailed it across. I dashed over to Mum’s to have a quick chat and got a call while I was there from the lead tutor on the course offering me a place. It was that quick, that simple and that utterly amazing.

I will be studying a 3-year BA(Hons) in Theatre and Performance Technology, which covers pretty much all bases from lighting and sound to stage and production management with elective modules in directing and incorporating video into live performance. The course couldn’t have been better tailored for me and the opportunity couldn’t be more perfect.

I cannot even begin to express my thanks that I feel for my donor. While you’re reading this, please take a moment to think of their family and the precious, precious gift they gave me nearly 2 years ago. Without their courage and selflessness and the wishes of my donor, I wouldn’t be here, let alone physically able to pursue this opportunity. If you’re not already, go here right now and register as an organ donor – you may just change someone’s life like mine.

K and I have got a manic week getting everything squared away before our holiday, but for now I’m just floating on a cloud of magical happy vibes. Or it could be the Haribo…

Quietness lately has a lot to do with nothing much going on. I’m not working this summer as there’s very little about arts-wise, and I’m still trying to work out what to do with my life. Updates when I have any.

I did, however, manage a double-bill at the flicks yesterday, catching a gorgeous digital presentation of Dr No, the first Connery Bond (and the first of what we all know and love as the “James Bond Films”, although it actually followed an ill-fated adaptation of Casino Royale by other filmmakers) and The Time Traveler’s Wife[sic].

Dr No was great for being a bit crap. It’s clearly not a bad film, but very of it’s time, it’s time being 1962. It’s got some Hitchcock-rivaling rear-projection for the most unexciting car chase ever filmed, although it did have the added comedy value of screeching tyres when the were driving on gravel. It’s also astonishing to see just how much of Dr No specifically Mike Myers lifted for the first Austin Powers film – I had always reckoned it to be a generic pastiche, but it’s closer to Dr No than any other Bond.

The Time Traveler’s Wife is a book I loved and a film I didn’t want to get to excited about lest it spoil it for me, as many adaptations do (just ask people who’ve read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince). After a clunky, over-written first half-hour of some frankly stupid dialogue, the rest of the flick picked up a-pace and delivered all the emotional punch I wanted from it. It’s not beholden to the book, but manages to create almost the perfect adaptation by creating the same pitch and emotional feel of the book without being slavish to every single page.

We go away on holiday at the end of the month, so I’ve got a lot of late summer flicks to cram in before we jet off – that’s what I like to think of as using my time productively.

It’s been a pretty rough time of late and, if I’m honest, I’ve been struggling quite a lot. I’ve not really felt like blogging for quite a while as I’ve been battling with my own daemons and not really wanting to share them with anyone else.

Over the last couple of weeks it’s been slowly emerging why I’m feeling like I am and I’ve come to a few realisations that will hopefully put me on the right path for the next little while. Essentially, I realised, I don’t know how to be well.

I’ve spent so many years ducking and diving in and out of hospital, but since May 2008 I’ve not been admitted, not really been unwell, not had a cough, a cold or so much as a bad case of the hiccups. It’s been all plain sailing and that’s not something I’ve really experienced before – my life has always been broken up into chunks of illness and relative wellness.

What this means is that real life is starting to intrude with a vengeance. I’m actually having to start thinking about “the future”, something that’s always been an alien concept to me as I’ve never really believed I’ve had one. I’ve never planned more than a few months in advance because everything’s always been so unpredictable that I couldn’t. Even last year I had to miss the holiday we’d planned because I was hospitalised with CMV. So it’s strange to be forced to sit down and work out just what the future holds for me, for K and for everyone around us.

I’ve been struggling a lot with making the most of my new life, too – I want to do everything I can to honour my donor but right now I don’t feel that I am. I want to challenge myself both physically and mentally and push myself to find where my new boundaries are, so I’m looking at ways of doing that to make a dedicated, concerted effort to make the most of these lungs and to help my donor to smile down on me and feel proud of the life they’ve given me.

It’s been a tough haul over the last month or so and I’ve had to make some really tough decisions and I know I’ve got some really tough ones to come, but I’m starting – slowly – to feel more confident and energised about what’s on it’s way. I will try from now on to keep this blog more up-to-date with what’s happening and, in particular, my thoughts and feelings about things as I know from before my transplant it can actually be pretty therapeutic.

I can’t promise it’s all going to be sunshine and lollypops on here, or that it’ll even end up being that interesting, but I can promise myself that continuing to write “smile through it” may help to remind me of the long-lost days when everything was a chore and I had more to worry about than not having plans for next February.

Here’s to life: living it, loving it and smiling through it.

I guess there’s ambition and there’s stupidity and I’m guilty of the latter.

I was so passionate about getting this flick made that I hadn’t stopped to look at the practicalities properly, thought it all through or taken the time to develop a team who could help out with the production side.

Naiveté can be a wonderful thing in some walks of life, but not in filmmaking. I underestimated the task in hand and the likely support for it and I overestimated my own ability to deliver.

Do I feel foolish? Yes. Will I plough on and keep chasing my dreams? Of course.

This blog – back to it’s original incarnation – may well cease to exist now, or become much less frequented. When I started writing here, the idea was to talk about my journey to transplant. I’ve been there now, I’ve passed that life-saving, world-changing milestone and I don’t now want this blog to turn into yet another “today I had a ham sandwich” diatribe about the world’s dullest daily life.

So feel free to check back every now and again and see what’s happening – or even better add me to an aggregator like Google Reader and then you’ll see whenever I throw something up.

Take care of yourselves and never give up on what you know is right for you.

Just North of London today I met with our military adviser about the impending shoot. They’re 100% behind us and are providing all manner of costume, equipment and research material, not to mention (fingers crossed) our main location, which is both awesomely unbelievable and totally unprecedented for a short film.

We’re waiting on one final go/no go from their ranges to see if we can shoot on the dates we want to, which should come through to us on Monday. All being well it’ll then be all systems GO! for an amazing, life-changing movie for everyone involved.

And don’t forget, YOU can be involved, too! All you have to do is click the link and you can become a Producer on Remembrance by helping us hit our budget target in time for the shoot. Every penny counts, so even if you can’t meet the pre-set amounts, hit the “donate” button and chip in what you can. And if you happen to be flush right now, there’s nothing to stop larger donations, either. And you get to see your name in the credits, too – and you get a free copy of the film when it’s all done.

This is all ramping up to be quite exciting just now and the pedal is about to hit the metal – come along for the ride!

There was I hotly anticipating my return to work this week and getting really rolling on Remembrance when I was flattened again. This time not by small children, but by some kind of a stomach bug. It’s left me totally wiped out and exhausted for the last 3 days and I’m only just getting back up to speed. Sucks quite a bit.

I have to confess I’ve been a little worried about things. If you’ll remember, last year’s CMV infection started out with weird pains in my chest and stomach, so a recurrence of similar and apparently inexplicable symptoms has rattled my nerve a little bit. I’m sure it’ll be fine, but I think after so long of being well my mind is maybe a little pre-programmed into expecting something bad to be due me. A stupid thought process, to be sure, but one that’s hard to avoid after spending 25 of my 27 years as a seriously ill person.

Anyway, the upshot of all this is that I’ve achieved nothing at all this week, which is obviously sub-optimal. Added to which, since I’ve been doing nothing but lay in bed all day, I’ve got into a horrible sleeping pattern and am up until past 3 in the mornings at the moment – never a great thing for aiding recovery.

I’m due in to my GP surgery tomorrow morning for some blood tests and I have a scheduled appointment at Harefield on Monday so hopefully this will all either have cleared up by then or we’ll be able to tell exactly what it is.

In the meantime, the one thing I have managed to do is to draw up a shortlist of DP candidates, who I’ll be meeting next week to have a chat with and go from there. It’s exciting stuff, I just wish I had more energy for it right now.

Apologies for the lack of updates. As a wedding gift to her brother from us, K kindly offered for us to look after their 12 year-old, 4-year-old and 3 year-old for a week while they had a honeymoon just the two of them.

I blithely accepted and agreed without really thinking it through and clearly MASSIVELY underestimating the whole thing. We’re having an awesome time, but we’re both shattered and I’ve hardly managed to get anything for Remembrance done this week, which is a bit rubbish. I’m trying to find us a Casting Director to work with, but since it relies on being able to head to London to meet people, that’ll have to wait until next week instead.

I’m also actively recruiting for the DP role and have a load of showreels to get through to find us the best person for the job, but that’s going pretty slowly too. Am just about to put dinner on so we can all sit and eat together, then I’ll be trying to get through a heap of them tonight.

More updates when things get back to normal at the weekend.

As you may have seen from my Twitter feed I spent a large chunk of yesterday afternoon in a Costa drink cappuccino and shot-listing the flick. It’s always an exciting time when you first sit down to work out what pieces of the jigsaw you need in order to make it as great as you want it to be. It’s been on my “To Do” list for ages, but the enforced side-line in the coffee-house yesterday was the perfect time.

What I’ve come away with looks fairly ambitious, but do-able. It’s also likely to change dramatically as I see what we’re likely to be able to do in locations, get to know the cast and what they’re capable of and take notes from my crew on what they think we need.

And speaking of the crew, yesterday the first crew call for Remembrance went out on Mandy.com looking for a Director of Photography. It was due to go out on Shooting People, too, but annoyingly it got “vetted” as their sub-editor clearly didn’t read it properly, which was frustrating as I was hoping to get some responses in before the weekend, when I’m likely to be pretty tied-up.

In addition to the DP, we’re also looking for a Producer to come on board and handle logistics while I focus on the creative and I’m looking to work with a Storyboard Artist as soon as possible to start getting my visual ideas down on paper, since I can’t draw for toffee. If you think you might suit any of these posts, go to the website for more information and get in touch.

Don’t forget, you can still come on board as a Co-Producer or Associate Producer without having to do any work at all – to claim your credit, click here.