Archives: Day-to-day

Flexible working

I’ve not been quite so grateful for flexible working as I was today. Struck down by the lurgy (a really nasty cough with nothing to shift off my chest and no streaming nose to be able to call it a cold) and hardly sleeping, the prospect of a 5am alarm to get me into Bromley for the various meetings and epic To Do list that faced me this morning wasn’t a good one.

So I switched things up, slept in until 8am and worked from home taking all my meetings over Lync (the rubbish Microsoft “official” version of Skype) and cracking through my To Do list like a demented giant-omlette-making chef gets through eggs.

Flexible working FTW!

Exploring new areas

If you missed the announcement (why, aren’t you following the Cystic Fibrosis Trust?) I’ll soon be joining them in an exciting move to a more central London location in Aldgate.

Coincidentally, I had a meeting in the very same area this afternoon that gave us chance to explore the area and find the best local watering hole for us to re-christen our Meeting Room 5.
The move is exciting in itself. The pub we found tonight (two minutes from Aldgate East station and a fast train home) was lovely. As was the company.
Many reasons to smile.

Old haunts

I had a meeting with the lovely people at the Duke of Edinburgh’s Award Scheme today, finding out how we might be able to assist people with CF to undertake the award and also how we might be able to support them and all young people taking it on to complete their volunteering section. CF is still a young people’s condition, so it’s vital that we support young people with CF as much as we can, a huge part of which is helping them do things that everyone else does, as well as raising everyone else’s awareness.

It wasn’t until I was sitting across the table from my colleague at lunch just outside Victoria station that I realised the meeting would be in the same building as World Vision UK’s London office – they’re all in the same charity office complex there – and it made me smile to walk the familiar roads up from Victoria to Belgrave road and into the familiar surroundings of the slightly dowdy-building with the always almost friendly security guards.

It did cause me to reflect on the downside of an overly-scheduled day, however, knowing that straight after the meeting I had to head back to Victoria to get back home in time for another meeting in the afternoon. With a little more breathing room in my schedule I’d have had time for serendipity to jump in and lead me back up to that familiar fifth floor to drop in on my old colleagues and catch up. My day was missing the Big Orange today and although the building made me smile, my inability to take advantage of the visit made me just a tiny bit sad.

Right reactions

For many reasons I can’t go into much detail about today’s smile moments (yes, more than one), but I can say that I walked from work to the station home with a smile on my face the whole way tonight.

There are many moments in a working life when you hope for the right reaction: approval of plans, success of a project, addressing a problem and dealing with it well. Today has seen multiple versions of these things.
I woke up this morning and was deeply distracted during my normal meditation. Luckily I’m deep enough into my practice now for this not to annoy me, frustrate me or make me angry, but it did unsettle me since it’s the first time in the last few weeks that the practice hasn’t gone brilliantly.
Where I may, in the past, have let this throw my whole day of, I managed to shake that feeling pretty quickly and set my mind to the tasks that lay ahead.
And the day panned out pretty perfectly, with all of my meetings filled with the right reaction from the people involved.
It’s a wonderful way to end a working week. Lots of smiles promised this weekend, too. What are your plans?

Creative win

A nice work-related smile today as we presented some initial creative concepts for a big piece of work that is rapidly descending on us.

Any creative will know presentation of concepts to a senior leadership team is always slightly nerve-wracking as you face that awkward “what do I do with this if they don’t like it?!” thought process.

Luckily they not only liked it, some of them even mentioned that when they first heard the concept they really didn’t get it and thought it would be a dead end, but seeing the execution and possibilities they got almost excited.

Score one for the creatives today!

Lessons from a month of meditation

It’s the end of January and the end of my first month of habit change.

What with everything that’s been going on for the last few weeks, I’m actually surprised at how well my meditation practice has been going. I’ve missed a couple of days here and there, and some of the days I did it my mind wouldn’t let me focus, but that’s not a bad record.

What I love about the Headspace app is the way it guides and supports you in achieving what you need to, as well as the way it explains meditation. Here’s what I’ve learned in the last few weeks:

Meditation can be a habit like any other

I meditate first thing in the morning, before I do anything else. It’s 15 minutes of my morning that sets me up for the rest of the day. The days I struggle with it are when my routine is disrupted for some reason, like at the weekends.

If I don’t have an alarm set and wake up naturally, I find it harder to settle myself and do a meditation session. I suspect this is because on weekdays my habit trigger is the alarm going off – I know what my first 2 hours of my day looks like and it’s kicked off with the alarm followed by meditation. Perhaps I need to find a different trigger so I don’t lose momentum when I’m not setting an alarm.

It’s OK to think

The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that meditation is not about not having thoughts, but rather about noticing those thoughts and bringing your focus back to the breath.

The problem I always used to have with meditation was getting cross with myself for thinking things and losing focus. Now I just recognise that I am thinking and bring my attention back to my breath. This has been particularly useful when I’ve been trying to meditate at times of high emotion and stress.

Anyone can do it

If you’ve ever thought that meditation just isn’t for you, give Headspace a try for free – their Take 10 programme is perfectly formulated to ease you into the process and learn more about yourself and the practice.

You will feel calmer

I used to be a very short-termpered person. It really didn’t take much for my fuse to be exhausted, and I’m not going to pretend that my new-found calmness is due to the last 30 days, but it is thanks to the collective experience of meditation in fits and starts for the last months.

That’s also not to say I’m now a picture of zen or incredibly boring; I still have the same passion and drive, the same energy and enthusiasm I’ve always had, I’ve just learned how to let things that I can’t do anything about slide past me without letting them annoy me or make me angry. And that makes commuting a lot more pleasant.

Give it a go

You’ll have gathered that I’m a fan, and I’d love you to try it. Check out Headspace or any other guided meditation app, or just read up on getting started from someone like Leo Babauta.

In February, I’m going to make sure I’m writing 500 words a day. Read more in tomorrow’s introductory post.

Recovering slowly

Last week I had a Nissen fundoplication. Exciting, huh?

It’s an operation that wraps the top bit of your stomach around the base of the oesophagus in order to prevent stomach acid (and anything else) from travelling the wrong way up and, potentially, creeping into the lungs where it can do a fair amount of damage.

That is to say it’s a fairly major operation to correct a potentially very serious problem.

I’m now the owner of five (count ’em) new holes in my stomach, taking my torso scar-count to 13 – awesome!

I also currently have scars healing both on the outside and also on the inside. Scars healing internally is the weirdest feeling every, because it hurts and is uncomfortable, but you can’t actually see any of what it is that’s hurting you. It is, quite, genuinely, one of the weirdest sensations that I’ve ever felt. I also have no idea how well (or badly) it’s healing and when the pain may subside.

So I’m now recovering at home and trying my best not to go out of my mind with boredom or let my brain get too over-excited with creativity while I’m largely unable to act on it.

Hopefully the process won’t take too long.

The CF Parliament speech

Last week I wandered down to London to be part of a Parliamentary reception for the CF Trust as part of their CF week celebrations/promotional push. I’m always happy to speak for the Trust because I believe 100% in what they’re doing and hope that, in some small way, my contribution helps to persuade others how valuable their work is.

The CF Trust published this lovely 5 minute video of the event on their website last week, so do take a look. The full text of my speech is below the video. I’d love it if you wanted to connect with me on Twitter or Google+ and let me know what you think.

Hello. I just have to say I love the layout of this event; because you’re all already standing it means I get an automatic standing ovation.

I’m here to give you a personal perspective on CF and transplantation. I was diagnosed with CF at 18 months of age and five and a half years ago, at 25, I received a life-saving double-lung transplant.

It’s far harder for me to convey the horrors of CF than if you were hearing from someone currently enduring them. I used to turn up to speeches dragging an oxygen cylinder and looking like death and tell people it’s rubbish and they would instantly agree. Now it takes a little more nuance.

So, I could stand here and tell you all about a life with CF. I could tell you about the endless rounds of physio, the mountains of medication, the time-sapping regimes of nebulisers and the moral-sapping stays in hospital every few months. I could talk to you about the fear that comes with waking up in the morning and not being able to take a proper breath in.

Or, I could talk about the difference transplant has made to my life – about being able to walk or run up a flight of stairs without stopping halfway for a five minute break to get my breath back. I could talk about how I’ve seen my the 30th birthday no one expected me to see or my wedding day almost a year ago to the day. Or I could talk to you about how it feels to be able to play football with my Godson, to chase my niece or to lift my nephew up for a cuddle.

These are all things I could tell you about, if I had the time.

Instead, let me put this to you: imagine, for a moment, you suffered from a disease where you knew that transplant was your last – and only – option. Imagine being forced to communicate with friends solely through the internet because you can’t be in the same room. Imagine the isolation and the fear and then imagine seeing your friends, slowly but surely, die from the very same thing that is destined to kill you.

That is the reality of a life on the transplant list; it’s a life on pause. That is the reality of day-to-day life with CF: no let-up, no respite, no days off. Just 24/7/365 fear, pain and often despair, mixed with hope, belief and often, a bit of a giggle – we’re known for our dark senses of humour.

Here’s the thing: this is something that we can do something about. If we can increase the number of potential donors in the UK, if we can increase the number of pairs of lungs made viable for transplant, if we better support the teams involved in performing the myriad complex duties of making a transplant happen, we can stop people with CF – my friends – from dying while they wait.

When I was listed for transplant, the stats said I had a 50/50 chance of actually receiving one. With a life-expectancy of less than two years, I lived for two and a half years filled with fear and hope. It’s fantastic to see that people with CF now face 70/30 odds, but they’re not much better than a coin toss.

The real reason I’m here today isn’t to talk about me and my life, but to talk about that 30%. That statistic that represents not just numbers on a list, but real people, real friends of mine and real family of many. That 30% represents people that we can – and we must – do better by. Because their lives are within our power – your power – to save. Thank you.

The growth of SmileThroughIt

For those of you who have followed from the start, you’ll no doubt have seen the extent of the changes that have come and gone on this blog since my transplant in 2007.

All of these changes, re-focuses and new iterations have been great, but they’ve always somehow fallen short. It’s only in the last few weeks that I’ve really been able to identify just what it is, and it comes down to two simple things:

  1. I had never clearly redefined the focus of the blog and what I wanted it to be.
  2. I had no idea who I was writing for.

Now, though, I’ve found both.

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The wisdom of children

They say ignorance is bliss and, quite often, I’m inclined to agree.

Last Friday, we had the misfortune of attending the funeral of the baby boy of a very close friend of ours. He lived a matter of hours and the beautiful, emotional service proved – if there were ever any doubt – that there is little in life more powerfully heart-wrenching than the sight of a coffin that can be carried by one person.

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