Archives: change

When I started this blog it was about trying to keep on top of things, those slings and arrows of outrageous fortune Shakespeare told us about. It was about charting my journey up to and beyond transplant and all the weird emotions and exciting opportunities it brought.

Now, though, I want it to be more than that. Partially because I’m now blessed to have a life that’s much like anyone’s: I have a full-time job making a real difference in people’s lives, I have a loving wife and a beautiful home to come home to every night, I have everything I ever wanted from my extra time in life, bar a few of the more outrageous and/or longer-term goals I came up with beforehand.

So I want this blog to be about more than just me and my journey, but to stay true to the principals under which it began.

This year, I’m going to set out to make Smile Through It a place where you can come for inspiration and education of all kinds. (Except the bad kind of ‘education’ that just made you suddenly wonder if you want to come back here at all, I won’t be doing any of that stuff.)

I want this blog to become a place where you can discover and share stories of living life in the most honest way possible. That doesn’t mean people going on crazy adventures: an honest life is simply about living authentically to yourself. And if that’s a little too ‘new age hippy’ for you, think of it like this: happiness comes from living the life that fits you, nothing more.

This, then, will be a period of adjustment for me as I work out how best to make all of this happen, but it will involve lots more storytelling (because I’ve not done nearly enough of that on here in recent months), it will involve a lot more of other people’s stories, and it will hopefully involve more than just reading.

I’d love to hear from you to know what you get out of this site and what you’d like to get from it. What posts really inspire you and make you want to do things, what bores you to tears and never makes you want to come back, and what would you love to see more of from me?

Please get in touch however you’d like: you can email me (or use the contact form on my personal website to be sure of passing spam filters), you can Tweet me, you can even find me on that weird and lonely place they call Google plus (however amazed you may be that it’s still going).

Smile Through It is a philosophy on life that I’ve let slip in recent weeks and months, and it’s time we got back to what mattered. So here’s to a 2015 full of growth and development for me, for this blog and, hopefully, for you, too.

Today is the first day of the first month of the Year of Positive Change and my first target:

Exercise Daily

I want to be fitter, to be healthier and to be able to really challenge myself physically in 2014 and beyond.

Twice now I’ve trained for the 3 Peaks Challenge and had to cancel the trip at the last minute and each time I’ve settled into my old patterns of not doing any exercise and letting myself slip back.

At the end of 2013, I promised Gareth that I would run a 10k in his honour with his sister and brother, I intend to stick to that promise. Can there be any great motivation?

Beyond that, I just want to escape this nagging feeling that I’m not doing enough with the new life I’ve been given.

Six years ago when I was first recovering from my transplant I promised myself that I’d make the most of these lungs and really push myself, but I haven’t.

Broken promises are the worst things in the world, but when they are to ourselves they are so easy to overlook. [Tweet this]

This month, then, I will be doing some form of exercise every single day. I’ve started a gym programme on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and I’ll be looking to add some yoga and dynamic stretching in on the off-days, with maybe a good walk on a Sunday. Here’s what I hope it will achieve:

• I’ll be fitter.
• I’ll be happier (I’m told daily exercise is great for perking you up.
• I’ll be more grateful for the ability to get up and do things, which so many people aren’t able to do.
• I’ll feel like I’ve made a really positive start to the year, tackling one of the things I struggle most with first.

I’d love you to join me if you’d care to. It doesn’t have to be as drastic as I’m taking on, you could perhaps commit to taking a short walk each day – once round the block in the evening, say – but just commit to getting yourself off the sofa, out from behind the desk or away from the kitchen for just a few minutes each day.

I’ll be publishing weekly updates here, so feel free to keep me in check (or motivated with your own story in the comments) or connect with me on Twitter or Google+.

Will you be undertaking a short piece of daily exercise? Commit to it in the comments below.

It’s fair to say that 2013 has not been a great year for us at Lewington Towers. There has been a pretty significant break in my blogging and, in many ways, our lives over the last 12 months.

I’m not going to go into great detail here (for reasons which will become apparent), but there has been altogether too much illness, downsides and death this year.

But, as I reflect on the previous 365 days I realise I have a huge amount to be grateful for despite everything that’s happened.

My wife and I survived what I hope may be one of the toughest years of our marriage just six months into it; certainly it’s been the toughest year of our relationship together to far, all 8 years of it. We’re stronger now than we ever have been before.

My newest niece was born. Not being a parent myself, I can only imagine the feeling to hold your own child in your arms, but beyond that there can be little else that can compare to the joy of holding your brother or sister’s baby in your arms and feeling such an overwhelming sense of love and protection for them.

In a very mundane way, we are still in our loving, warm home – we can pay our bills, we can afford some little luxuries and, if we were to compare ourselves with others around the world, we are extremely privileged.

We are surrounded by friends and family that love us, who support us and who would stop at nothing to protect us if they could.

Starting fresh

Both K and I sincerely hope that 2014 is going to be a better year for us, but regardless, I’ve realised how important this blog (and its ideas) are to me.

I stopped blogging for long periods in 2013 because I couldn’t see the light – I couldn’t find things to smile about, couldn’t see the positives in the mire of terrible events, couldn’t enjoy life for the gift it was.

So this year I’m resolutely turning over a new leaf. Inspired by Leo Babauta’s Year of Living Without I’ve decided to instigate A Year of Positive Change.

Positive Change

I wanted to focus on positive change because that’s the best way – for me at least – to stay motivated towards doing something good to change things in my life.

Too much of the things people vow to do around the turn of the year is about not doing things, about subtracting from your life the things that you enjoy in the name of some sense of “proper-ness” and a desire to be better.

My theory? We get better by becoming more than we are now, not less. Sure, there are things that giving up will make better. If you give up food, you’ll certainly grow thinner, but who wants to live a life without food?

This year will be about finding positive changes I can make in my life and, each month, choosing just one thing to work on to try to form a lasting habit that will take me forward into the many successful years to come.

Tomorrow I’ll launch my first monthly challenge and I’d love for you to join in. There is no reward or prize, nor any punishment for not achieving what we set out to do, but I hope that the sheer force of the positive energy and willpower will help to shape 12 months of positive change that will get me closer to the happiness I want to feel and the person I want to be.

And if I take anyone else along for the ride with me, so much the better.

Leave me a comment and let me know what one positive change you’d like to make in 2014. Positive means no “stopping”, no “less”, no “fewer”.

Actors, writers and filmmakers have been saying for years that less is more. Sometimes it doesn’t make any sense – less cake is just less cake, if you ask me – but every now and again it strikes a chord.

How to we go about creating what we want in life when we’re constantly barraged by messages, projects, ideas and things that we really, really want to do/see and people we want to meet/read/talk to?

The trick isn’t in stretching your day to the sleepless limit of its 24 hours. It’s learning to do less to get more.
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Coping with any sort of change is something many people struggle with for as long as memory serves. It’s a commonly accepted truth that change is hard.

If you have time to consider, plan and embrace a change that’s coming, it makes the whole process easier to deal with. Sometimes, though, time to prepare for change isn’t a luxury that’s afford us.

So it is with my decision to leave markthree media, my professional home since July last year.

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Last week, I registered to take on the Brentwood Half Marathon and I’ll shortly be registering myself for the Edinburgh marathon in May. Yesterday, I sat and mapped out my training programme for the next 31 weeks to take me up to race day in Scotland’s second city, which is a scary-looking ramping up of mileage from Christmas onwards.

Like Tor1, over the next few weeks and months, I’ll be getting used to a new normality. Early rises, pre-dawn runs, strict training diet and abstinence from alcohol on all but the most special of occasions.

Any change in the normality we know and love2, it’s going to be tough. But the difficulty of the adaptations and motivations are a huge part of why I want to do this.

I want to challenge myself, I want to push myself, I want to really see what I can do with my new life, my new lungs and my second chance.

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1. who’s doing brilliantly and even Tweeting herself now [↩]
2. or loath [↩]

So, it turns out I’m not really very good at this adapting lark.

On an evolutionary scale, I’d be stuck somewhere around the fish-with-lungs kind of level – broaching the edges of a vast transformation but not quite grasping the basics of the new world laying itself out before me.

Everything is tiring.  Not just averagely sleep-making, I mean tiring.  Moving from one room to another if I have to slip off my O2 to change supply (because, let’s face it, I’m not about to raise the subject of O2 lines with Allied any time soon, even if it was an idea that appealed to me, which it doesn’t) can lead to a required recovery period of several minutes if not longer and the merest hint of further activity leaves me body screaming for bed.

The biggest problem I have is learning to listen to what my body’s telling me and then making the appropriate decision and acting upon it.

For instance: this evening I am beside myself with tiredness.  I didn’t sleep incredibly well, waking fairly often through the night in discomfort and from odd dreams.  Today, my wonderful Godson came to visit and we had a great day playing games and watching movies and just generally hanging out.  But it’s left me completely shattered.

The most sensible course of action would seem to be to take myself off to bed and sleep, but he left at 6pm, which means that if I’d slept for an hour or more at that point, which I desperately wanted to, I know that come 11pm tonight when I’ve finished my evening IVs, I’d have been unable to get myself off to sleep.

So I tried just taking myself to bed and relaxing with a book, which worked for a while before tiredness crept in and made the book a blur, on top of which the urge to spend a little more time with my soon-departing bro crept in.

I came downstairs and settled in the kitchen (comfortable but not sleep-able) to read some of the Sunday paper and we had some left-over scraps from lunch for our supper with Mum and Dad before he left.

But I’m still no better off in the tiredness stakes, and I don’t really know what to do about it.  I know that, listening to my body, I should be in bed right now, but I have a dose of drugs to do in an hour’s time, which will take an hour to go through, and if I fall asleep before then and have to wake up for them, that’ll be my night totally ruined.

I suppose one could argue that if I have nothing to do during the days, perhaps it doesn’t really matter what time I sleep, so long as I’m getting enough rest in during the day.  I could, for example, live like a badger and stay up all night watching the Ashes and take myself to bed when the day dawns, but I’m not sure that’s the answer.*

For one thing, being up all night on my own I know I wouldn’t feed myself properly then I’d miss all my day-time meals and so end up losing weight, which I really cannot afford to do.

Further to which, if I needed anything, had a nasty turn or my oxygen went funny or anything like that, it would mean rousing the house to come and help me, which I’d be mortified to do – it’s bad enough having to get someone else to make me cups of tea when I want them, or shifting oxygen tanks around on my whims, let alone getting them out of bed when they’re supposed to be resting.

What I really need to do, I think, is to find something which will keep me happily occupied in bed for a large chunk of the day – a computer game, or internet-linked lap-top or the like.  The problem with all of those options being that I don’t know how long I’m here for and they’re ridiculously extravagent things to entertain me when there’s a perfectly good TV downstairs.

I just can’t get used to spending a day on a sofa, though.  Daytime telly is bad enough (and I still can’t force myself to watch it, no matter how ill I am), but I’m also just not comfy on the sofa all day.  Odd, really, given I’d be quite happy in my bed 24/7 if I had summat to occupy myself with.

This is all one big crazy ramble now, largely caused by the constant fight to keep my withering eye-lids from gluing themselves together and calling it a night, but essentially it comes down to an “answers on a postcard” poser, really.  Any cunning plans for occupying myself whilst enforcing a strict “not out of bed” rule?

I’m determined to get better at listening and – hopefully, one day – pre-empting my body’s mood swings.  I used to be pretty good at it, but I seem to have lost my touch of late.  Here’s hoping it’s not too long before I get it back again…

*That’s not to imply that it is common badger behaviour to watch cricket all night, it was more an inference to nocturnal awakenings.