Monthly Archives: October 2020

Sometimes things just pop into my head. Unprompted, unwanted and not always helpful. But sometimes things pop into my head unprompted, unwanted and very, very helpful. Like yesterday when I started thinking about learning vs. teaching.

I mentioned in yesterday’s post that I wanted to move this site and these posts further towards the original intention of this blog. While mulling it over after I posted it I realised what wasn’t working.

Every time I’ve tried to restart this blog I’ve focused on what I can teach. What lessons from my life I can shape to apply universally. How I can benefit other people (like you, Dear Reader) with my knowledge.

And that’s bullshit.

If I sit here every morning1 and try to think about what I can teach today, I’m going to tie myself up in knots. But – more importantly – I’m going to create inauthentic, disingenuous posts.

The reason my blog resonated with people when I first started writing was because I was focused on learning. I was trying to make sense of my world as it was. Horrible, scary, intimidating but also funny, bright and full of excitement.

That’s precisely what I need now. Not a place where I can come to preach my wonderful wisdom, but a place I can put down what I’m learning every day.

If that’s something you can also learn from, fantastic. Have at it. Take away what you want to take away. But this place is for me. For my lessons. For my knowledge. For my experience. This place is where everything starts to make sense. I hope.

1. or afternoon, or evening, whenever I managed to plonk myself down [↩]

I’ve been reflecting overnight and this morning about why I suddenly feel the urge to start creating again. Why I want to be seen to be putting things out in the world again. Why I suddenly feel an ability to overcome the Resistance that’s been holding me back. It turns out it doesn’t matter why.

I’m sure a part of it is down to mental and physical energy levels1 . But a huge part of it is down to Tim Ferriss and his conversations with Seth Godin. I’ve gone back and listened to all three now2 and they fill me with the urge to sit at my desk, in front of my screen and that flashing cursor on the blank display and begin to fill it with words.

For some reason, though, I found myself not wanting to say that out loud. I didn’t want to tell people that it’s all just one person (or two people, I suppose) that’s given me the final kick to start doing things again. I was embarrassed by it. Of all the things to be embarrassed about, I don’t know why that particular one stuck.

Then it hit me. Well, two things hit me. Both of them with the resounding, clanging echo of a frying pan to the face.

Firstly, it doesn’t matter why I’m motivated to write, create and share my art with people. What matters is that I’m doing it. What matters is that I see the blinking cursor on an empty page and start to hit the keys to form the words to write the piece to share my art.

Secondly, if I want this to be an honest place to write and share my stories–something I’ve always tried to ensure–then admitting the things I’m embarrassed to admit is the first step to reestablishing the things that made this blog the place I wanted it to be when I first began.

Step by step, post by post, as frequently or infrequently as they come, I want to recreate and evolve what this site used to be: a place to capture positivity even in the dark days and a place to celebrate the bright days when they are here.

That’s what I need right now. It doesn’t matter why I’m inspired or motivated to do it. It doesn’t matter why I do it at all. It doesn’t even matter whether or not anyone wants to come back and read any of it But, you know, please come back and read it.

1. About which there will doubtless be more to come on this blog [↩]
2. You can listen to them via his website: Chat One (Episode 138), Chat Two (Episode 343), Chat Three (Episode 476) [↩]

When I’m pottering around the house, making tea, washing up, vacuuming or any of the other household tasks I don’t do often enough, I listen to podcasts. Yesterday while doing some extended kitchen cleaning after a messier-than-necessary roast chicken dinner, I was listening to Tim Ferris’s latest podcast with Seth Godin and it helped me to realise that I need to move on from my current state of fear, confusion or just plain laziness and start doing the work.

I frequently battle with Seth’s work. Some of it is inspired, inspirational and intrinsically motivational. Other books and posts seem more polemical, more dictatorial, more out-and-out instructional – the kind of thing that I bump up against. But it always makes me think, which is why I’m so addicted to listening to him talk.

What stuck in my mind listening to this conversation was the same thing that stuck with me in the first conversation Tim had with Seth on his podcast, the same thing that stuck with me the second time Tim had him on the podcast and the same thing that stuck with me reading Do The Work 1 , which seems like the least imaginative and best book title of just about any book you’ll find on the virtual shelves of the Kindle store (if, like me, visiting physical book stores it out of the question at the moment). The idea of showing up every day, doing the work and not making excuses for failing to do something every day has always, always resonated with me even as I’ve consistently failed to do it.

“Just do it” may be one of the best-known and most cited inspirational instructions in the world, but it’s also an inappropriate attitude, Seth says. “‘Just do it’ implies ‘what the hell’, ‘it doesn’t matter’ [which] pushes you to be a hack who’s not responsible for your own work.”

By contrast, “merely” doing the work takes us away from time spent catastrophising the work and its results. And catastrophising is what I do best, both in work and in life. I’ve shied away from continuing to post on here or on my YouTube channel because I’ve been spending too much time worrying about what image I want to project of myself. I’ve worried about how people will see me. I’ve worried about people disagreeing with me. I’ve worried about a lot of things and I am still worrying.

But the worry and the outright fear is stopping me from doing anything. It’s paralysing. So the time has come to start trying2 to spend some time everyday merely doing the work. Merely spending time each day on an act of creation, whether that’s written word on here, a video to share on YouTube or working on the edits to the novel I wrote during lockdown that I’m feeling massive resistance towards.

I don’t want to be afraid of making or sharing my art any more. But the only way I’m going to defeat that fear is, paradoxically, by making and sharing my art.

This post, then, is the first step. One step, every day, will eventually lead me somewhere. Where that is—for now—I’m not sure. I simply know that I can’t wait until I’m certain of my destination to set out because I’ll just spend all my time poring over maps and weighing up the options. Perfection will never happen. The sooner I understand that, the sooner I’ll be able to keep on keeping on.

This might not work. But it also might.

1. This is an affiliate link, which means I get a small amount of money if you choose to purchase the book. If you’d rather not do that, you can use this link instead. [↩]
2. Note: I try a lot of things that don’t work, so who knows where this will end up going? [↩]