Archives: positivity

It’s fair to say that the last few weeks and months have been an uncertain time for me. Giving up a well-paid job, striking out on my own without any guarantee of income or success, trusting just my self-belief and abilities will get me through.

It started as a deeply fearful period. The initial levity of being able to work in my PJ’s if I so desired soon dwindled back into the freelance reality of no work, no money.

Yet even as I faced this most uncertain of times, I started to see and appreciate the world around me again. Over the last few weeks I’ve been reading a lot more and helping to shape and form my ideas about how I go forward from here.

I’ve already written about how reading people’s bucket lists has inspired my own, but it was another book entirely that helped me reach a key realisation in my life and pin down the biggest mistake I’d made.

It’s all a matter of perspective, really.

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This week has been filled with a lot of thinking and far too little sleeping as I try to work out what I’m doing with my life.

I’m not alone in pondering the big “what next”; plenty of people go through this every day and my fellow transplantee Victoria blogged about it just this week, but for some reason I’m still at a loss.

It wasn’t until I took a long drive with my wonderful fiancée K today that I truly understood what drives me and what I really and truly want to do with myself.

SEEING THE NEGATIVE
For me, my new life is all about making a different, about showing people just what an amazing gift transplant is and why everyone should be signed up to the organ donor register in whatever country they call their home.

But I also realised that I’m currently driven my negative emotions: I don’t want to let my donor down; I don’t want to live a placid, unadventurous life; I don’t want people to look at me and think I’m wasting this opportunity.

FINDING THE POSITIVE
What I’ve realised I need to do above all else is to live for positive goals, to live for things that will drive me through ambition, excitement and joy rather than fear of failure or judgement.

I need to take positive steps forward, not resist stepping backwards.

Remarkable things and remarkable people only happen through their own determined, positive actions towards making their dreams, goals or passions turn into a reality.

We all know sitting around waiting for something to happen doesn’t make it so. But we never stop to think that going forward in fear and trepidation can be just as harmful to our eventual success as apathy and torpor.

A RESOLUTION
From now on, despite the bumps, the hurdles, the obstacles and the setbacks that I know will come my way, I vow to push forward, I promise to live my life in a positive frame, I pledge to smile through it all1 and stop living in fear of what might never be, but instead to fight for how I want things to be.

It’s going to be a long, hard road. I don’t yet know where it will take me, what I will achieve nor how I will achieve it, but I know that going forward with positivity, with happiness in my heart and in the knowledge that I can achieve whatever I set my mind to will see me through.

I want to take you along on the ride with me. Not just here, on the blog, but in the wider scope of things.

NEXT STEPS, BABY STEPS
I will shortly be setting up a Facebook page for Smile Through It where we can all share the things that make us smile from day to day and our own positive steps towards doing the things we really want to achieve in life.

I’m also currently planning a major new documentary film project to help tell my story, but also to understand the psychology behind people given a second chance at life.

Do we all feel a desire to make an impact, or is it just my twisted psyche that drives me to achieve big things? Do we all feel a pressure to make the most of life, or is it just about an appreciation for the little things?

More on that to come, no doubt, but for now, here’s to positive steps forward in the right frame of mind.

Keep smiling.

“In the end, it’s not about the years in your life that count, but the life in your years” Abraham Lincoln

1. I should have listened to myself earlier [↩]

Coping with any sort of change is something many people struggle with for as long as memory serves. It’s a commonly accepted truth that change is hard.

If you have time to consider, plan and embrace a change that’s coming, it makes the whole process easier to deal with. Sometimes, though, time to prepare for change isn’t a luxury that’s afford us.

So it is with my decision to leave markthree media, my professional home since July last year.

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For those of you who have followed from the start, you’ll no doubt have seen the extent of the changes that have come and gone on this blog since my transplant in 2007.

All of these changes, re-focuses and new iterations have been great, but they’ve always somehow fallen short. It’s only in the last few weeks that I’ve really been able to identify just what it is, and it comes down to two simple things:

1. I had never clearly redefined the focus of the blog and what I wanted it to be.
2. I had no idea who I was writing for.

Now, though, I’ve found both.

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I’ve been mulling over a lot of the things I want to do in 2012 since I posted my list of goals. The question is, was the list enough?

That list represents the essence of everything I want to do over the next 12 months, the things I want to focus my life on and what I think will bring me the most happiness and fulfilment throughout the year. But is striving for “more” of something too generic an aim? Should I have more specific, more focussed goals?

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I’m always on the lookout for new things. I love learning, growing and expand my horizons.

I have a fairly hefty collection of feeds in my RSS reader and I was noticing more and more of them talking about Leo Babuta and his ZenHabits website, so I figured I should check it out.

When you read something that turns your thinking around and helps create a new way of doing things in your life, it’s tempting to over-egg the proverbial custard by calling it ‘life-changing’. But, in a way, that’s exactly what ZenHabits has been.

I’ve always thought of zen as being more of the kind of eastern mumbo-jumbo that helps martial artists to focus and that many westerners scoff at, a bit like karma1. But zen is at once so much more than that, but so much simpler.

Zen is not some mysterious order of blokes in funny outfits telling everyone to be like them. Instead, it’s just more of a simple way to be aware of what’s going around you and to keep things on an even-keel.

I’m a stress-head by nature. I thrive on stress, but it also, well, stresses me out. I inherited a very short temper from my dad, something for which I’m not proud, but always figured I’d just have to live with. But even in the short space of time I’ve been following the zen ideas, I’ve been able to stay calmer, more collected and immediately more productive.

Zen isn’t for everyone. It’s not a cure-all and there is no ‘zen switch’ that you can press to suddenly feel calmer. To truly embrace zen you have to believe in what it can do and invest yourself in it. Only then will you see the benefits of living a zen life.

I’m in the very early stages of developing my zen life, but I can already see the benefits and I’m loving it.

Have you ever tried zen? How did you find it changed you as you learned and adapted along with it?

1. I should point out that I actually vaguely believe in karma; certainly I believe that what goes around comes around. [↩]

When I first started blogging, back in the dusty days of 2006, I began with a Statement of Intent. At the time, it was designed to remind me of the reasons I started the blog in the first place as well as letting people know what they could expect from me and it.

Over the years my blogs have changed faces many times, but this new facelift is something more. The simplified design and stripped-down visuals serve to remind me of the meandering thoughts and intentions that I let take over here and to keep me sharply, intensely focussed on what this blog is becoming.

You’ll notice the old name, SmileThroughIt1, is back because rack my brains as I may, I couldn’t think of a better way to sum up the purpose of this site or the ideas I live by.

What is SmileThroughIt? Put simply, it’s a philosophy of life that helped carry me through some of my toughest times. While waiting for my transplant, not knowing if it would come in time, I learned to focus on the good things in life. More than that, I learned that if I could find just one thing every day that made me smile, that day had been worth it.

This site is here to help me make the most of the second chance I’ve been given and if, through that, I can help, inspire or motivate other people, so much the better.

Before the lengthy break in updates, I’d started blogging to please others, to write what I thought people wanted, to ‘optimise’ my posts. But looking back over my archives, both on here and the original site’s archives, I saw that my best writing and the most effective posts came not from targeting an “audience”, but rather writing something for myself.

Although I hate to admit it, it’s not just my blog that has been through many twists and turns and a distinct loss of focus. Everything that’s happened in this blog has been mirrored in my day-to-day life and it bothers me that I feel like I’m letting this second chance slip past me without grasping every second.

This blog will reflect my change in mood, attitude and approach to my second chance at life and, hopefully, will help guide others through similar changes in their own life.

This story has no planned ending, no final goal, no means by which to measure its success or failure. This blog, like all of us, just is. And what it is comes from what’s inside and the people who read, contribute and support its aims, ideals and author (that’s me) along the steps of its journey.

Come along for the ride.

1. and I’ve moved all of the archives onto this single site, instead of stripped across two blogs [↩]

Do you really “gotta fake it ’til you make it”?

The truth is, when you put on the façade of confidence to give yourself a boost, you’re not actually faking it at all – you’re accessing your inner confidence and bringing it to the front.

Everyone has confidence. Each of us have something in our lives – even if it’s just one, tiny thing – that we know in our heart of hearts we’re good at. Something that gives us that often-elusive state of flow whenever we are engaged in it.

The process of faking it is, in fact, a process of accessing our inner confidence through physical and emotional triggers that put our minds and bodies into the feeling of that flow state.

The next time you’re finding yourself in a situation where you’re trying to posture yourself into a major confidence boost, remember: you are not faking it, you’re simply accessing and living your inner confidence. Where that confidence takes you is entirely up to you.

Thanks to the great Chris Richards for helping me realise all of this.

You’ll remember that my Lent resolution this year to give up fear, inspired by my Twitter-buddy Jeanne who consistently inspires people with her utter lack of fear and her stubborn unwillingness to give in to it at any point.

Giving up on fear is at once much, much harder than you may first think and much, much easier, too.

–The Easy–

It’s easy to ‘say’ you’re giving up fear. It’s definitely a plus to be able to get the words out and feel emboldened by the commitment you’ve just made.

It’s easy to stop yourself fearing the everyday kind of things that used to bug you – it’s a conscious choice whether you’re going to allow yourself to worry about how you pay the bills or if your energy is better focused on how to generate the income that’s going to cover them. A fact that’s especially true for freelancers like me without a steady paycheque1.

It’s easy to take advantage of the initial freedom that giving up fear brings you. It’s easy to float yourself away from the day-to-day issues and focus on your fear-free living–for the first week or so.

–The Hard–

It’s hard to genuinely beat your brain into submission when it tries to stir the old fear about those everyday items you shrugged off in the euphoria of your first few days or weeks. The rumbling in your subconscious feels like it’s never going to go away.

It’s hard to tackle the “new-found” fears that crop up without your being able to plan for them. You land a new job and you’re suddenly worried about being “the new guy”. How will you fit in, will you get on with your co-workers, will you be good at your job? All these things that life throws at us are wont to prompt a significant rise in our fear levels that isn’t easy to ignore.

It’s hard knowing that this new way of life is forever. There’s really no point in giving up fear for a few weeks or a month2 – it’s a lifetime commitment. And that is scary.

–But, But, But–

When you’re successful, when you manage to rise above your fear, to master it, control it and stop it from being the boss of you, it becomes very, very difficult to revert back to your old ways. The idea of being scared becomes almost laughable when you think of your old fear of making that phone call, or attending that networking event on your tod or of introducing yourself to the hottie across the room who’s been making eyes at you all night.

When you truly commit to stepping up to the plate and facing Fear’s most crippling fastball, you can do so in the knowledge that you’ll swing for it, you’ll hit it and you’ll be running for home before you can say “I’m scared of getting my kit dirty”.

1. or paycheck for our American cousins [↩]
2. or 40 days [↩]

It’s a very badly hidden secret that I’m a loyal supporter and devotee of Seth Godin, the man I can most single-handedly credit with re-energising me in my low moments and helping me believe that anything is possible.

Never more so than with the latest free eBook from his Domino Project publishing company. Not only is it a great example of using something you give away for free (the ‘SXSW Pokes‘ eBook) to promote something you’re selling (the full-length ‘Poke the Box‘ book and eBook), it’s also full of stories that help you realise that anything really is possible.

The single most important element of SXSW Pokes is that it’s not just a few people telling stories that make you think, “Well, I could have done that if I’d thought of it first,” but instead contains 50 stories from people who make you think, “If they can do that with their lives, just think what I could do with mine.”

I cannot stress just how important I think this book is for anyone to read. Go get it.

If you are the only one getting in your own way of going after your dreams, stop and realize that you are the last person who should be doing that!

C. C. Chapman, SXSW Pokes

What’s your lifelong dream? As you step out to make it real, reach out to someone you’d like to know and emulate. That one phone call may change your life forever!

Sandy Harper, SXSW Pokes

The initiative I took for myself will always remind me that I’m teh one driving this train, and that I’m accountable to ther person in the mirror most of all.

Amber Naslund, SXSW Pokes