Am I the only person in the world who’s immune to Amy Winehouse? Don’t give a chuff what’s going on in her personal life, couldn ‘t care less whether she takes one drugs, no drugs or enough cocaine to fill the Xscape’s snow slope, don’t wanna see pictures of her falling out of a nightclub off her head on whatever cocktail she’s been into next.

She’s got a pretty voice, yes, but when she sings live she just looks like she really needs a wee and it’s really off-putting. She’s on the Brits right now and I can’t bare to be in the same room – I’ve already sat through her desperate toilet-need alongside Mark Ronson, I can’t go through it all again for her solo…

Bring on the Oscars – at least there everyone goes to the toilet before they come on stage.